Nathan's Wedding
One of my very best friends throughout high school is getting married (which is weird) in August, and I'll be attending. He just sent me this letter, from which I will quote the amusing passage:

"If you can attend, and are comfortable with being an attendant, the dress code is as follows: Black suit, white shirt, black tie...

Aside from these vague restrictions in dress, I will trust everyone’s ability to choose their own suit and any other specific details around their dress.

Except for Mr. Scott-Hopkins.

Benjamin, I need you to email me pictures including front, side, and rear views of whatever outfit you might consider wearing. Not that I haven’t appreciated your different approaches to suits over the years, but Kelly’s father will personally beat both of us, and then sic his goons on us who will [explicit depiction of unfortunate outcome]."